The Shame Pattern That Keeps You Stuck

Why do you keep getting in your own way? Andrew Shaw, psychologist and mental resilience coach, breaks down the psychology of self-sabotage: why we do it, what's really driving it, and how to finally break the cycle. If you've ever felt like you're your own worst enemy, destroying relationships, quitting when things get good, or pushing people away, this conversation will help you understand why. And more importantly, how to stop. ⏱️ Timestamps: 0:00 Introduction — Andrew Shaw, 20 years in psychology 1:13 His journey into mental health 2:25 Nuffield Health — "repeat customers" problem 3:20 Bad habits aren't the problem — they're the solution 3:55 Experiential avoidance — why we numb ourselves 4:58 Leaving corporate health to work independently 5:52 What is emotional intelligence? 6:19 What is mental resilience? 7:41 Personal experience vs professional training 9:24 His darkest moment — "resigned to leaving this earth" 10:27 Feeling like a failing parent 11:39 Not allowing his son to have emotional experiences 12:28 How childhood emotional suppression gets passed down 14:22 The feedback loop — shouting, guilt, self-sabotage 15:19 What brought him back — his son needed him 16:39 Suicidal thoughts — his son was the saving thought 17:25 Defusion and meta-cognition — unhooking from dark thoughts 17:42 The mind's "raw solutions" — suicide as a false answer 19:16 "Selfish" — why that word is wrong 20:25 "The world would be better off without me" — a distorted thought 22:38 Language around suicide — "committing" and its history 25:01 Why successful men struggle 26:19 Men can't articulate feelings — taught to suppress 28:10 Multiple life areas failing at once 31:23 Social media — comparison tool or helpful resource? 32:19 Toxic positivity — the myth of constant happiness 34:12 What is self-sabotage? 34:25 Core beliefs — "I'm unworthy, unlovable, incompetent" 36:20 Shame and vulnerability — flipping the narrative 🔗 Follow JustMental for more raw mental health conversations.