Dave the Barbarian: The Movie Casting Call!

Link to CCC Page: https://www.castingcall.club/projects... Lines: Dave: -I sense evil nearby. Something must be done. I must stop it. But I can’t do it alone! I must call my family! Everyone, come to the throne room! We have evil to vanquish! We are facing the dreaded, terrible, horrifying threat of…dust. It's the biggest threat to a tidy house. -(High pitched scream) Fang: -Did someone say “vanquish”? That’s one of my favorite words, right up there with slaughter, maim, disfigure, and kumquat! What? It's a catchy word! -I’m with Lula on this one. There is no way that I'm going to spend my day cleaning some filthy castle that’s just going to get filthy the next day, anyways! -NOT A MONKEY! Candy: -We've been hiding in the woods for months! Don't you realize that I COMPLETELY ran out of hair products out there?! -(Sigh) Like that matters. I’ve been so invested in shopping, dating cute guys, hanging out with friends, and all that junk. All of the things that I stood for were all meaningless. Erased in the blink of an eye. Without that stuff, what even am I? Every last thing I value is for nothing. Even if we can fix this world, it’s ruined for me. Forever. What’s going to stop all of this from happening again? This has taught me something. Whatever exists in this world means squat. That’s all a part of being a cartoon. One minute, you’re hot stuff. The next, you’re gone. Poof. Vanished. As relevant as the paper you were first drawn on before anyone even put a pencil to it. Oswidge: Sorry I’m late. I kept sending myself to the wrong place while I was teleporting myself downstairs. I sent myself to several strange places, Atlantis, the moon, I somehow even sent myself about two thousand years into the future to some strange place called “Las Vegas”. (Shudder) What has been seen cannot be unseen. If you're wondering why I didn't take the stairs, that'd be way too predictable. Does that even matter? Well, maybe not to you non-magic folk. Lula: -I could have been a spoon. Spoons help people eat. Spoons have a purpose. But no. I have to be strapped to someone with the IQ of a moldy tangerine. -I may be old, but I can still slice you up like a log of cheap baloney. -David, you are about as assertive as a paranoid kitten made of glass. Let me show you how to get someone's attention. (Ahem) Hey! You! Buck-toothed man! What’s going on over here? Chuckles: -I’m not trying to help you! I’m trying to help myself! I’m a dark lord of evil, bent on bringing pain and suffering to an unsuspecting world! How can I do that when there’s no world to enact said pain and suffering on? If the world gets erased, I’ll be out of a job! Not to mention out of life! I’m only agreeing to this as a means to an end. While the mere thought of joining forces with you makes me want to vomit in my mouth profusely, I have no other choice. We have to…team up. (Gag) Yep. Here it comes. -(High pitched evil laugh) Irmaplotz: -That’s what I did when I found out that my father was a good, upstanding man. It tore our family apart. I never got over the fact that no matter how much I begged, he refused to turn to the dark side. Sound familiar, Dave? -What are you talking about? I am so evil! Like, the most evil princess ever! I command hordes of filthy pixies to do unspeakably evil acts! I ransack innocent towns! I even refuse to say “bless you” when people sneeze! -Hey! I’ll have you know that I’m only half good on my father’s side! My mother raised me right! Or, rather, evil! Evilly! You know what I mean! Malsquando: -Unlike the rest of you meaningless vermin, I will not be subjected to this dreaded erasing fate! For you see, I have made a deal with the almighty producers. As it turns out, the process of erasing an entire series is a very long process. That original spot grows into a force that erases everything it touches, but it moves incredibly slowly. In return for agreeing to help speed up the process, I have not only been given the ability to do so, but I have also been promised a spin-off show of my very own! The Malsquando Show! Or, The Malsquan-Show!” Storyteller: -Tell me, what can compare to the feeling of an adventure? Very little, I’d say. It can move you. It can thrill you. It can even change you. The only downside is when it all comes to an end. -And so, the family spent countless hours preparing a welcome home party! It has a banner, streamers, catering from Dave, the whole sha-bang! They went well into the night. Why aren’t we showing you this? Do you know how boring it is to watch people set up a party? Huh? What? Excuse me. I must be going.